Getting my groove back

Motherhood has consumed me. A bold statement perhaps but everything I do is geared towards my children and their well being. It is my joy and my responsibility to nurture them into well rounded adults. However, as they get older and I emerge from the bubble of parenting small children I realise that something has been left by the wayside. My sense of myself. I no longer know who I am other than “Mom”. I define myself by my parental status. With that whole parts of my identity seem to have vanished. I’m determined to rediscover those lost parts of myself. I need to get my groove back.

Who was I ?

Once upon a time I was a body confident, bright young girl who had the world at her feet. I was naturally bright but also a little bit dizzy and didn’t always display common sense. You could safely rely on me to do or say something daft that would still be laughed about 10 years later. Doing things for myself made me happy. Life was a blast. Who needed sleep when you could party instead?

 

Who am I ?

Now I have no body confidence. I feel old, lackluster and saggy and live for the chance to catch up on some sleep. I watch what I say to strangers in case I embarrass myself. Some of my clothes are older than my kids. All of our money goes on the kids and house. If I had a day to spend entirely on myself I wouldn’t have the faintest idea how to spend the time.

Everybody changes

Let’s be honest. My personality, likes and dislikes would’ve naturally changed with age and maturity. The problem is that I have been so absorbed with being the best parent that I can be that I have forgotten to take care of my own needs as well. I made it my mission to be all things to all people and somewhere along the line I lost a little of myself. I don’t want my kids to feel they don’t have the best of everything in life. The great irony is that I am so worn down that they no longer get the best of me.

How do I get my groove back ?

It’s all about giving myself permission. Permission to put myself first occasionally. Somewhere inside of me lurks the confident girl I once was. I need to find new hobbies and activities that are just for me and to rebuild my self belief. I have to quash the guilt that overwhelms me every time I do something for myself. My kids will not suffer if I ignore the ironing and have a bubble bath instead. The world will not end if I sit in the garden for half an hour and read a book.

I need to give myself permission to stop worrying what other people think. To do what makes me happy. To stop being quiet in case I say something silly. I need to find my inner peace in whatever form that may take. My body and soul need nourishment. By becoming so focused on my children’s needs I have ignored my own and have been doing them a disservice in the process. A happy and fulfilled mom in going to be a happier and calmer parent. Getting my groove back will benefit the whole family.

Lets do this!

My Word of the Week is Groove

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I have been so consumed by motherhood that I have lost the sense of my own identity. How do I find myself and get my groove back?

 

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20 Comments

  1. 30th March 2017 / 10:17 PM

    I hope you get your groove back soon! I can relate to this as sometimes I just feel like all I am is ‘mummy’. I am trying to make more time for myself and my hobbies so I don’t lose who I am.xx #pocolo

    • Louisa
      Author
      1st April 2017 / 7:10 PM

      It can be very hard emotionally when you feel like you are a mum and nothing else. Being a Mom is amazing but it is not the whole of who we are x

  2. 29th March 2017 / 8:58 AM

    I absolutely love this Louisa. I totally know where you’re coming from. My youngest is turning 8 next week and I can already see him pulling away and wanting to be more independent. I have spent a long time trying to figure out what I like, something that’s not about being a mum but about me, and I’ve learned that as well as writing I like to create. I like to sketch and make cards. You’re right, you need to give yourself permission and discover who YOU are. It is absolutely wonderful to see you back hun, thanks so much for linking to #pocolo. xxx

    • Louisa
      Author
      29th March 2017 / 12:05 PM

      Thank you for your lovely words Morgan. I think so many of us lose ourselves for a time as a parent and have to make a real effort to find ourselves. Finding something that you love to do is such a blessing to your overall mood and self esteem. xx

  3. 27th March 2017 / 8:53 AM

    Ah yes, let’s do this! I’ve recently started a regular feature #IfShesHappyImHappy but it goes into the cycle of happiness where we have to be happy, our children are happy and we’re happy but it ultimately starts with us! I’m making more of an effort with finding myself too lately@ #wotw

    • Louisa
      Author
      29th March 2017 / 12:02 PM

      It’s so true that happiness breeds happiness. There’s no point doing everything to make your kids content if your are not feeling the same yourself.

  4. 27th March 2017 / 8:37 AM

    Good luck with getting your groove back. It’s so easy to lose track of who we are underneath being “mum” – I know I have been guilty of this too and am making more of an effort this year to find time for myself and do some of the things I used to love before I had my children. It’s funny how we feel so guilty for doing this even though making that time for ourselves does also make us better able to deal with the challenges that parenting brings too. #WotW

    • Louisa
      Author
      29th March 2017 / 12:00 PM

      ‘Mum guilt’ can be such a heavy burden to carry and 9 times out of 10 we are our own worst enemies don’t you think?

  5. 24th March 2017 / 1:48 PM

    Aww! Bless you! Being a parent is hard and can take over our lives. We have to give our self some time to be the person we are.
    I hope you get your groove back soon x
    #WotW

    • Louisa
      Author
      25th March 2017 / 2:01 PM

      Thank you Kim, it really is hard work isn’t it x

  6. 24th March 2017 / 1:33 PM

    I like your idea of giving yourself permission. Seeing yourself as important too and worth investing in. It is easy to overlook ourselves when there are plenty of other people needing our time and energy. I hope you find your groove. I gave up ironing a long time ago. #wotw

    • Louisa
      Author
      25th March 2017 / 1:56 PM

      I’d love to give up the ironing but I do a lot less than I used to ( I no longer iron tea towels ;-0 )

  7. 24th March 2017 / 12:59 PM

    Motherhood is consuming, it’s hard to balance it with your own needs. I think you’re so right saying that you need to give yourself permission to do this, accept you can and will get your groove back, and you’re nearly halfway there just with that mindset shift. Enjoy the journey x Thanks for sharing with #WotW

    • Louisa
      Author
      25th March 2017 / 2:00 PM

      It really is about balance. At the moment it has tipped the wrong way and I need to even the scales x

  8. 24th March 2017 / 10:30 AM

    Good luck on getting your groove back. You really do have to make time to take care of yourself. I burnt myself out big time and now I’m unable to half the things I used to. I sometimes think that it could have been different if I’d taken more care of myself, so yes, do it, look after yourself and you’ll be a better mother too x
    #wotw

    • Louisa
      Author
      25th March 2017 / 1:59 PM

      You’re right, it’s easy to burn out. I’ve been quite ill this last year and my energy levels are close to zero at the moment x

  9. 23rd March 2017 / 11:37 PM

    Motherhood consumes me. I think have a child with ASD means that even though they are no longer little I am still hyper vigilant and just exhausted. I hope you find your groove soon

    • Louisa
      Author
      24th March 2017 / 8:03 AM

      My eldest has Aspergers so I can totally relate to the exhaustion. The teenage years have been a million times harder than the early years and it’s taken me a long time to be in a pace where I can invest in myself. This time will come for you too x

  10. 23rd March 2017 / 8:54 PM

    It is tough being a parent and I know exactly what you mean about how all-consuming it can be. It is so important to find time for you though and I think that is why I started blogging as for me, that is my time and my space. Good luck with finding you again

    • Louisa
      Author
      24th March 2017 / 8:01 AM

      You’re absolutely right about blogging giving you a bit of time for yourself. Hopefully it will do the same for me too.

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