Motherhood has consumed me. A bold statement perhaps but everything I do is geared towards my children and their well being. It is my joy and my responsibility to nurture them into well rounded adults. However, as they get older and I emerge from the bubble of parenting small children I realise that something has been left by the wayside. My sense of myself. I no longer know who I am other than “Mom”. I define myself by my parental status. With that whole parts of my identity seem to have vanished. I’m determined to rediscover those lost parts of myself. I need to get my groove back.
Who was I ?
Once upon a time I was a body confident, bright young girl who had the world at her feet. I was naturally bright but also a little bit dizzy and didn’t always display common sense. You could safely rely on me to do or say something daft that would still be laughed about 10 years later. Doing things for myself made me happy. Life was a blast. Who needed sleep when you could party instead?
Who am I ?
Now I have no body confidence. I feel old, lackluster and saggy and live for the chance to catch up on some sleep. I watch what I say to strangers in case I embarrass myself. Some of my clothes are older than my kids. All of our money goes on the kids and house. If I had a day to spend entirely on myself I wouldn’t have the faintest idea how to spend the time.
Let’s be honest. My personality, likes and dislikes would’ve naturally changed with age and maturity. The problem is that I have been so absorbed with being the best parent that I can be that I have forgotten to take care of my own needs as well. I made it my mission to be all things to all people and somewhere along the line I lost a little of myself. I don’t want my kids to feel they don’t have the best of everything in life. The great irony is that I am so worn down that they no longer get the best of me.
How do I get my groove back ?
It’s all about giving myself permission. Permission to put myself first occasionally. Somewhere inside of me lurks the confident girl I once was. I need to find new hobbies and activities that are just for me and to rebuild my self belief. I have to quash the guilt that overwhelms me every time I do something for myself. My kids will not suffer if I ignore the ironing and have a bubble bath instead. The world will not end if I sit in the garden for half an hour and read a book.
I need to give myself permission to stop worrying what other people think. To do what makes me happy. To stop being quiet in case I say something silly. I need to find my inner peace in whatever form that may take. My body and soul need nourishment. By becoming so focused on my children’s needs I have ignored my own and have been doing them a disservice in the process. A happy and fulfilled mom in going to be a happier and calmer parent. Getting my groove back will benefit the whole family.
Lets do this!
My Word of the Week is Groove
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